argh HAPPY DAY [18 Dec 2005|08:40pm] [ mood | crazy ] too sorry about the last post I was being selfish and I was being moody and rediculous I am back to good Lydia I promise I love you I swear 2 Love Notes : Love Me

ACCHCHCHCHCHCHCH [17 Dec 2005|09:48pm] [ mood | depressed ] have you ever tried to go home again and it didnt work. Have you ever missed someone more than you ever imagined possible? Have you ever loved someone more than you ever thought you had, and its killing you to be away from them. That is just a taste of what I am feeling at this moment. I remember in high school when I was depressed I would write poems adn songs and spend a week in my room eating junk food and watching cartoons adn chick flicks. But I dont want to do that this time. I am having a hard time without the AIMers, and a few specific ones in particular. ( you should know who you are) there is no way to tell you how much you mean to me, every one of you. My heart has been ripped out and devided all over the world. If it hurts this bad for three weeks imagine how its going to be once we all get on the field. I know that I am going to be going through major depression. This being away from you is killing me. We should tell Kris that three weeks is way to long to be away. ok so that was my depressed I want to play my guitar in a dark room and cry rant hope you enjoyed it I love you all more than you know Lydia Love Me

Quiz [12 Dec 2005|12:55pm] [ mood | tired ] ok I am feeling better aobut my life right now, I have had basically a night in prayer and I have come to some realizations about my life and about certain situations. and now that I am happy I am going to do something fun: a top 10 list!!!!! Five things I plan to do before I die: 1.) Go to Scotland 2.) Graduate AIM 3.)Write a book 4.) never stop provlaiming the good news of Jesus 5.) Get married, and have a family Five things I can do: 1.) put my legs behind my head 2.) Mentor to people 3.) Tell everyone I see about Jesus 4.) Make an 82 in Ed Whartons class 5.) Read really fast. Five things I can’t do: 1.) Get a handle on my ADD long enough to do homework. 2.) Fly 3.) Speak russian 4.) Pay attention during Church of Christ class 5.) draw Five things I find attractive about the opposite sex: 1.) strong faith 2.) sense of humor 3.) intelligence 4.) Heart for the lost 5.) Love for God and family Top 10 Favorite People Other Than Family (in no particular order) 10) Marissa 09) Zach 08) Danielle 07) Alaina 06) Jordan 05) Anthony 04) Camille 03) my Scotland lassies 02) Brianna 01) Jesus Top 5 Favorite Objects In no particular order 05) my laptop 04) my cds 03) my new Bible 02) My vans(their green and blue checks you know you wish you had them) 01) All my books Top 5 Pet Peeves In no particular order 05) When people try to pick a fight with me on contrivertial doctrinal matters, I know what I believe and Romans 14:22 says (Lydia translation) Keep it to yourself!!! 04) When you walk in the Exit door at walmart, it says EXIT for a reason 03) When you make a movie out of one of my favorite books and leave out some of the most importnant parts, and change the story line around *cough* Harry potter*cough* 02) When people make fun of you for no reason other than just being plain mean 01) When you cant take responsibility for your own actions Top 7 Favorite Movies 07) Lion, the witch and the wardrobe 06) Dead poets society 05) LOTR 04) MAtirx 03) Reality Bytes 02) Say anything 01) Breakfast club Top 7 Favorite Songs 07) Relient K- who I am hates who Ive been 06) Mercy Me- I can only Imagine 05) In need 04) Father God 03) Deep blue something- Breakfast at Tiffanys 02) jars of Clay- worlds apart 01) Barlow Girl- Average girl Love Me

a letter to you [11 Dec 2005|10:10pm] [ mood | morose ] I know I have been remiss in my blogging, and I am eternally sorrowfull. I ask for you to forgive me. But I have a story to tell you. do you ever wonder why Jesus told us not to worry about tomorow? Well I think I have got it figured out! When I start focusing on the future (AFTER AIM)(when people say that I want to say BITE ME) instead of today, that is when I loose focus of why I am really here in AIM! I just got a huge kick in the pants last night, I know God is trying to tell me to focus on my life here and now instead of the life I may be living someday far off in the future. I have realized something, I have enough to worry about, what with finals, a huge paper on Philippi due tomorow, Roman road, A spiritual formation model due, being so stressed I havent eaten in a week, I might have lost the best friend I ever had last night, and figuring out how I am going to do this and still get my apt packed by friday. this is the most stressful time I have ever had in my life, I am crying my eyes out, adn screaming at the top of my lungs, and there is no one here to hold me, I have my God here to comfort me but its like sometimes I really cant feel his arms around me. That is when I need to lie down prostrate and cry out to him in the pure agony I feel. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I feel like my God is leading me to something better. I want him to have this thing for me, adn he gives me something better. I have just realized my faith is so weak, I cant even trust God to send me to the right mission field. I feel like I have to take every thing into my own hands to get it done. I knwo this is totally faulty logic, but its the only way I know. I want God to change my mentality. To change my logic. I love God with all my heart, adn I love this friend adn I hope he knows this. I want him to know it may all work out, but God will find a way to give us what we need not what we want. Dear friend, you know who you are, I want you to know that I still love you. It kills me to think that I may have lost the best friend I have ever had. I have told you things I have never told anyone. I have trusted you with my heart, praying you didnt break it. I gave you my heart, willingly, what are you going to do with it? I just wanted to send this question out into the cosmos, hoping it will touch someone. To the rest of you, God gave you his love, adn the command that you shouldnt worry. Are you gonna be like me and not eat adn make yourself ill over worry? Or are you gonna be like Jesus adn be perfect. God gave you his heart, as I did to my friend, what will you do with it? I know that just sounded like a sermon, but right now I feel like standing up and giving a sermon. I love you all enough to say these things. I am showing you a part of my heart right now. I love you all. ~Lydia~ pray for me please Love Me

going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! [06 Dec 2005|06:13pm] so we are supposedly finding out about fields tomorow!! I hope it is tomorow!! because I cant take much more of this gossip and not knowing whats going on! no idea where they will send me who I will be with, or even if I will get a field!!(ok no I have crossed over into drama queen status sorry) but really I have stressed myself out about this to the point where I cant eat anything or I will get nausiated, and I woke up with a fever!!! Yeah so have you ever stressed yourself out so much that you have made yourself physically ill!!!!! I have for the past two days. things people have said to me, and all the not knowing about fields. It is making me go crazy..... pray for me please sad day!!!!!! love you Lydia 2 Love Notes : Love Me

ACH [29 Nov 2005|12:35pm] [ mood | scared ] so I havent updated in a long time and I am sorry for that I did my spiritual gifts test and do you want to know my gifts? 1 Mercy 2 Encouraging/exhorting 3 Pastor shepording comment me and tell me if you see those gifts in me especially if you are an AIMer so Kris said that we might find our where we are going early next week and I am scared to death I am scared he is going to send me to El paso TX with someone on my nightmare list ACHCHAHAEHAHFCHCFAEHAFHAERFOFIHARWEOFIHAERH Josh Tucker- I am with you I am scared out of my mind ok so my random thoughts of the day are over bye Lydia 2 Love Notes : Love Me

my struggle [02 Nov 2005|09:42pm] [ mood | crushed ] so yeah I have finnaly realized, adn finally admited to myself that I have been in apostasy for the past 5 years. I have been a lost person posing as a Christian. I had a prayer walk last night after small group.(if you havent had one you definately should) Have you ever yelled at God. Like David did in the psalms? Because I did. I feel like that for the past week my life has been crashing down around me. I feel like everyone is out there just saying what can we do to Lydia to make her feel like she is nothing, like she is worthless. Isnt that what Satan does to us? He makes us to feel like we are nothing. Even though we are princes and princesses in Gods eyes. Completely and totally blameless and pure. God just wants us to love him, and to need him. I know that this is the right time for God to come and heal me(when I am feeling totally empty and like I am nothing at all) But it feel like there is a large brick wall separating us. And I am like a princess who has run into the forest and was once walking hand in hand with her father the king, but now she can feel him. His hand has been drawn away from her. Adn she is alone. BUt now her prince charming(Jesus) is coming to rescue her from her past life and make her whole. (for oyu AIM girls, that is a story I wrote for the theme of my speech for sharing the word so yeah you will get to hear the whole thing) BUt for realls, I am asking you down on my knees in sweat drops of blood, to pray hard for me. I need it SOOOOO badly. I need to feel close to my God again, like I once was. I have never felt like this before. Cultire shock, homesickness, and a whole bunch of other things just started setting in so please just pray for me. I need you ot know the power of prayer. It works, I have seen it work. Please!!!! I love you all with all the love that is in my heart. <3 Lydia 4 Love Notes : Love Me

sick [18 Oct 2005|07:25pm] [ mood | sick ] so yeah I have been sick for the last day and a half. Yesterday I was exiled to my room all afternoon. I was very lonely so if you are in Lubbock and have time please come and see me bc its sad to be alone adn sick. ok so now an update from our trip to Padukah. It was basically awesome. there were some kids who we met who were awesoem. Like Darin and Trevor. They are two teens from Padukah who are my new bffs. So yeah. I would write more but I think I am dying. (a few people think that I have scabies) I really odnt want to go to the dr. I really dont like the dr!!!!! and I really dont want to miss anymore class, I hate missing one day. Ok so Ive got to go so that I can get better love to you all Lydia 3 Love Notes : Love Me

ARGH [01 Oct 2005|12:18pm] [ mood | crazy ] ok so I am in my appt and I am watching a movie with my two best friends in the world!!!! (Zach and Marissa ) we are watching the tenth kingdom. and um yeah, I kiss one of my best friends( try and guess which one , keep in mind I am in AIM!!!) so yeah I will now write an impropmtu poem!!!!! sitting on the couch chllin with the homies talking bout myself and about ok thats as far as I have gotten I will write a real one later hugs and kisses to marissa(yeah crud I gave it away) but really big hugs to everyone else especially to Angeley Wenner bc she drew me a gorgeous pic <3 Lydia 1 Love Note : Love Me

um so yeah [30 Sep 2005|03:04pm] [ mood | bouncy ] so yeah I have had a really good week, yeah for various reasons. so yeah, um I really wanna write a poem right now but I dont. so um Im not gonna maybe someday I will. ok I just thought I would update, oh yeah and if people would love me they would give me comments. Ok Im done. bye love you all anyway <3 Lydia 2 Love Notes : Love Me

um 5th wheel sindrome [25 Sep 2005|07:20pm] [ mood | rejected ] so yeah I just got back from an area church weekend(really awesome and fun until the very end) But then I got home and was going to watch a movie with Dusty, so caleb adn Josh and Elisha come also. And dusty has three couches so I sit on one couch and Caleb and Dusty sit on the opposite one from me and the Josh adn Elish sit on the other couch and they are all cuddling, and it was sad. Because the movie was "say anything" ( a really romantic movie) so I was kinda mad/sad but I dont know why Im not jelous bc the boys are like my bros its just that I was left out and I wanted to cry. So I made up the excuse that I needed to call my mom and here I am, in my appt all alone, not calling my mom bc she is in the middle of the freaking hurricane. Why is it the only times I write on this thing is when something really sad happens or when something really happy happens!!!! ARGH ok so I am done complaining, would someone just come and give me a hug!!! PLEASE =-( ok love you all you are an inspiration in my dark world adn you all invade my soul <3 kisses Lydia xoxoxoxxxxx 2 Love Notes : Love Me

so yeah...... yeah [21 Sep 2005|03:10pm] [ mood | hyper ] ok so yeah I am sitting in class...(dont worry its break) and just sitting thinking about things, like life and stuff oh yeah and shayla is sitting on me!!!!! shayla loves everyone!!! <-> <- those are lips.. duh. camille I found a new fave quote for you-if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, then we have to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic mamall from the class atidae on our hands. ok so yeah.....(if you havent noticed that so yeah is my new fave phrase) I love you all I swear even if I am a bit phycho sometimes(oh yeah and I especially love marissa even though she doesnt have a live journal) ok so yeah class is about to start and I need to use the lavatory so kisses <3Lydia 1 Love Note : Love Me

so YEAH [19 Sep 2005|07:59pm] [ mood | annoyed ] so yeah I am hangin out with Zach and Lauren. We are watching the matrix bc Lauren has never seen it. so yeah her life must be very sad without the glory that is the matrix. ok my life is ok right now I wish for and covet your prayers hugs and kisses <3 Lydia 3 Love Notes : Love Me

you know what,,,,,,, I love you [16 Sep 2005|12:40am] [ mood | tired ] so yeah, I had one person get mad and stop talking to me on the phone today( you know who you are you big teddy bear you) and I just want you to know one thing, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! You are like my oasis on a desert plain. Like my comet in a big sky. Like a blue bonnet in a field of thorns. Like a wild mustang in a herd of donkey!!! I love you!!!! ok so enough with my love fest I have a shout out or 3!!! to Camielle(still cant figure out how to spell your name, can I say learning disability?) you are the most amazingly smart person ever and I love you. I dont ever get to read here( we dont have time )( yeah it breaks my heart too) so read Harry Potter an extra time through for me and email me your thoughts and observations!!!! to my Shayla-bear- you are amazingly beautiful, and I dont know why any person would think otherwise!!! Boys will come around, I swear. Until then set your eyes on things above not on earthly things, for Christ is seated at the right hand of God. And guess what...... Jesus loves you!!!!! to Zach- you punk of my face you, you are such an awesome kiddo, I love you I swear!!!! to Tiffany-last but certainly not least, you and my sister becoming such great friends kinda scares me. Do you know what you two are capable of together? You could like take over the world!!!! No more AIM all we need is you two!!! I love it! hugs <3 ok enough I swear Im done now!!! <3 Hardcore hugs and sweet cheek kisses to my four readers(the chosen few brave souls) <3 ~~~LYDIA~~~~~ 5 Love Notes : Love Me

all hell done broke loose [12 Sep 2005|06:45pm] [ mood | crushed ] All hell has broken loose in AIM, last night in the parking lot at the appts, it was like night of the living dead. People were screaming, crying, wailing hystericaly, punching signs and who know what else. Today 2 other AIMers dropped out, I admit I shed quite a few tears over them, not only over them but also over the mess that my life is is. I was on the phone with my mom last night and that didnt go very well, she went into shrink mode(which in itself is never good) multiplied by mom mode(BAD NEWS BEARS)I just really need someone to hold me as I cry my tears of sorrow and pain. And tell me its all gonna be alright. I need someone to wipe the fears away in my life, someone to protect me from the yelling and the fear that is going on in my world. I just need a hug. As I send this post out into the cosmic void I just ask that you pray for me, adn that you will if you see me just give me a hug. Also dont think I am going crazy, bc this is just a hard time in my life where there are not many certaitys. PRAY for our AIM class. and especially for those who are going home. They need our encouragement the most. with all the love in my heart <3 Lydia 2 Love Notes : Love Me

home sick [11 Sep 2005|02:04pm] [ mood | lonely ] so I was making out with a toilet last night and this morning which attests to the fact that I am not at area church which kinda sux bc I really wanted to be there!!! Contrary to popular beliefe I like area church my group is halarious. So yeah. I am the only AIMer in the apt complex and it makes me feel sad and lonely bc I am here alone and I hate being alone ever!!!! so yeah I think Im gonna finish my homework and make some mix cds!! want a beanie? bing me some freaking yarn!! hardcore hugs and nose kisses <3 Lydia 1 Love Note : Love Me

I stole this quiz and they have no idea [10 Sep 2005|12:43am] [ mood | apathetic ] [x ] I used to or do see a therapist. [ ] I'm the youngest child. [ ] I am drawn to things associated with sadness. [ ] I have gauged ears. [X] I wear black eyeliner every day. [x] I am extremely influenced by kindness. [x] I love to write. [x] I can't live without lipgloss/chapstick. [ x] I'm probably emotionally scarred. [ ] I lived in Tahoe. [ x] I spend money I have. [ ] I'll be in college for over 4 years. [ ] I love designer handbags. [x] I've had a concussion before. [X] I'm not good with confrontation. [x] I loved the Backstreet Boys. [x] I have more than a couple horrible memories. [ ] I'm addicted to Degrassi. [ ] I've tried writing poetry before and failed. [ ] My first kiss was unexpected. [x] I'm not a fan of rap. [x] I love taking pictures. [x] I don't like girls who are fake. [x] I can be mean when I want to. [ ] I love AFI. [x] I have way too many pairs of shoes. [x] I was into Hot Wheels as a child. [X] I dress how I feel that day. [ ] My room is painted a color other than white. [ ] I cry very easily. [ ] I'm always late. [X] I barely ever study for tests. [x] My birthday is my favorite holiday. [ ] I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser. [ ] I am a morning person. [x] I wish I was smarter. [x] I believe that it is wrong to be gay. [ ] I think that its perfectly ok to be gay. [x] No one REALLY knows me. (pero dios) [ ] I don't have many bad hair days. [x] I sometimes fight with my parents. [x] I am passionate about my interests. [x] I have had the chicken pox [x] I feel empty sometimes. [x] I am/was most likely clinically depressed at a point in my life. [ ] I am no longer depressed. [x] I am outgoing. [ ] Christmas is my favorite holiday. [x] I can be very insecure. [ ]I've been told I'm very softspoken. [ ] I love the color yellow. [x] I state the obvious. [x] I'm always a happy person. [x] I have absolutely no self-confidence. [ ] I've tried suicide. [x] I hate cleaning my room. [x] I tend to get jealous. [X] I like to play video games. [ ] I like John Mayer's music. [ ] I get more upset when I see an animal hurt than a person [ ] I'm a vegetarian or a vegan. [X] I have thought a teacher was cute before. [x] I am too forgiving. [x] I bite my nails sometimes.(allthetime) [X] I have a good sense of direction. [x] I've played a musical instrument for over 5 years. [x] I can function perfectly well without a girlfriend/boyfriend [ ] I love the color blue. [ ] I don't sew. [x] I am not addicted to drugs. [x] I wear contacts. [ ]I hate it when people say they hate Bush [ ]I hate Bush. [x] I don't take criticism well. [x] Conformity is stupid. [ ] Chris Carrabba is one of the sexiest men alive. [ ] So is Conor from Bright Eyes. [x] I love my family. [ ] I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain things. [x] I always wanted to learn to play the drums. [ ] I play the drums [X] I want to play the electric/acoustic guitar. [ ] I play the bass guitar [ ] I have had Mono. [X] I'm very religious/spiritual. [x] I still act like a little kid. [x] I believe in a higher power. (God) [x] I love music. [x] I've been in love. [x] I have problems letting go of people. [ ] Jesse Lacey writes some of the most amazing lyrics ever. [ ] I don't really like ice cream. [X] I have freckles. [ ] My birthday is in December. [ ] Brody Dalle is pretty. [ ] I like older guys. [ ] I've gotten in numerous fights, and have won all of them. [x] I get bored very easily. [ ] My parents aren't together. [x] I don't even know what my natural hair color is anymore. [ ] I get really anxious in big crowds of unfamiliar people. [ ] I like Ryan Cabrera's music (who?) [x] I have a friend/ boyfriend/girlfriend I couldnt live without. [x] I miss the person that means the most to me. [ ] My family doesn't accept me for who I am. [x] I have a really boring cell phone. [x] Sometimes I think of something and I forget what it is and then wish I could think of it again. [x] daydreaming is what gets me through the day (sometimes..) YAY for random quizzes that give you insight to my soul 2 Love Notes : Love Me

hey whats up [10 Sep 2005|12:00am] hey live journal is awesome or so I am told so I hope this works LYdia 1 Love Note : Love Me

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